To Love and Be Loved
by Endlessly She Said
Summary: Logan is having a hard time dealing with the loss of Jean, while Rogue has the weight of her choice on her shoulders. Together, they learn to find comfort in each other.


-1Title: To Love and Be Loved  
Rating: PG-13? Barely even that  
Pairing; Logan/Rogue  
Era: Post X3  
Summary: Logan is having a hard time dealing with the loss of Jean, while Rogue has the weight of her choice on her shoulders. Together, they learn to find comfort in each other.  
Author's Note: I really hope you like this. I was going to make it more graphic, but I found that there was such sweetness in being able to pull off less-is-more. I'm quite possibly thinking about turning this into a series of sorts. Already got a couple of chapters after this mulling in my mind. Tchau!

Logan sat on the edge of his bed, his hands cradling his head. Oh, what he would give to just tear out the thoughts that ached his mind. He could not, though. The memories of Jean were the ones that kept him alive, even the bitter images of her death. The memories that did him in were the ones of her soft voice pleading for release and the cold, pale flesh that shone under the moonlight.

Suddenly, they all became too much. He leapt from his bed and, with an angry cry, allowed his claws to retract and stab into the wall. His nostrils flared, his breathing ragged, and tears threatened to slip from the confines of the corner of his eyes. He just could not do this anymore. He'd lost everything.

He seemed to stare right through the wall, absolutely missing the girl who stood inches from where his claws rested. Her eyes remained on them, only a little intimidated, until his sniffs caught her attention. Logan had finally caught sight of Rogue and attempted to mask his sorrow. "Sorry, kid," he muttered, prying his claws from the wall and sliding them back into his hand.

As Logan ventured back to his bed only to plop down on it, Rogue followed. She didn't know quite what she was doing in here. She had just felt drawn to the older man. Her choice to take the cure had caused some conflict between her and her peers, so she turned to Logan for comfort. If he was going to give it to her was another issue all its own.

She waited a moment for some sort of confirmation that she was allowed to be there. When all she got was a grunt and a swig of his nearby flask, she invited herself in the seat next to him. Words didn't slip from her mouth for a minute, but when they did, she spoke with care so as not to arise another spurt of rage. "We all miss her." It was probably dangerous to even bring up the subject, but she could not help but to pry at his mind. Rogue had never understood the intense feelings he'd felt for her.

He bitterly replied with another swig and a scowl. "I know." Logan was never much for words, and he'd be damned if he started now. It was another death of another friend, but that was life. The rules didn't suddenly change just because he had loved her.

What could she do to make the situation any less painful? Logan had never been one for sharing feelings. In fact, he detested the very notion of doing so. His thoughts were private, and this was the one time that she regretted the loss of her gift.

In an attempt to console him, her naked hand overlapped his. She gently rubbed the rough skin. Logan jumped at the act and stared at her for a moment, barely blinking. Then he turned back to look at the floor. "Still not used to that," he mused. Instead of ignoring the hand or denying it, amazingly enough, he held it.

There was an inevitable silence that lingered in the air. The two friends sat and caressed each other's hands, staring at the blank wall. Reality had hit them so terribly hard. People that they held dear to their hearts had been massacred in the name of freedom and justice. What they had left was a broken team and adults who were far too emotionally unstable to continue the dream of their respected educators. What was going to become of the Xavier Institute? More importantly, what was to become of the future of mutants?

"I'm leavin' in the mornin'," Rogue suddenly whispered. The announcement seemed to stir the silent Wolverine. The expression clearly announced that he thought he'd misunderstood her. "I... I wanna see my family." She glanced down as though she was ashamed and shrugged. "I figured it couldn't hurt. I mean, I'm not exactly dangerous to the touch anymore." And although it's what she'd wanted, Rogue couldn't help but laugh in discomfort. It still didn't seem real, and maybe it didn't seem right.

What she had said caused Logan's mood to shift. His jaw clenched and he released her hand. "So you're just going to leave? What? You're too good for us?" When he saw her expression, he immediately regretted his harsh words. "Look, I didn't mean it like that, kid. I was only hoping that just because you didn't suck the life outta people anymore, you wouldn't up 'n' leave." To seal the statement, he shrugged and took a long sip of the alcohol he still held.

For some reason, that seemed to make the young woman grin broadly. "So... You like havin' me around, dontcha?" She couldn't help but taunt him. To see Logan shift and laugh was all too priceless.

And that's just what he did. He scoffed and sipped on the alcohol, avoiding her eyes. "Don't give yourself so much credit, kid. I just don't wanna see ya feelin' so down." That was his story and he was sticking too it.

Rogue, on the other hand, was not going to have any of it. "C'mon, Logan. Say it. Say you like havin' me around."

As he took another sip, he caught her image through the corner of his eye. He would not say it. Absolutely not. This meeting was becoming far too lovey-dovey for him. The large grin on her face, though, broke him. "Fine, kid. I like havin' ya around. Satisfied?" And the last of his life support flooded into his mouth and was savored.

With a shriek, she tackled Logan, forcing him onto his back. Her eyes sparkled as if the fire inside of her had been resurrected. "Say it again, Logan." When he didn't, she jerked on the bed. "C'mon! Say it, Logan! Say that you like havin' me around!"

His eyes rolled as he remained pinned. He tried to interrupt her several times, but her joyous giggles always broke off his desperate attempts. Finally, when her prodding became too much, he opened his mouth. His voice box suddenly seemed to have been shut off, though. Logan stared up at Rogue -- Marie, he reminded himself. -- with the most dumbfounded expression he'd ever sported. In the darkness of his room, she seemed so mystic. She'd always hidden herself, but now there was this new identity she had. This Rogue was not the one that he knew. In this moment, she seemed to cover herself even more but also bare her soul at the same time.

Logan wanted to dismiss her right now. Although the castle walls kept his room relatively cool, he couldn't help but feel like he had a fever. He swallowed and continued to stare up at her. Why couldn't he look away? What was in her eyes that had him so entranced? And why, even though his logic and set of limited morals urged him to stop, was he lifting his hand to hold her head, allowing his fingers to play with her hair? He would probably never understand why, but his instincts now led him to kiss her.

He was an animal. It was only natural that when the opportunity arose, he would take it. So why did he fight for what should be right? Why did the thought of this seem wrong? As if it could be counted as taking advantage of her?

When Rogue returned the kiss, every thought of decency was wiped from his mind. All he could do was mold the soft lips with his, pushing her thick hair away and tilting his head to get better access. The fact that he could touch her -- Kiss her. -- and not be in excruciating pain was absolutely intoxicating. Still, though, he kept it soft and sweet. It wasn't his style, but this girl was like porcelain. He couldn't break her and live with himself afterwards.

That thought shattered his animalistic tendencies. He pulled away and stared up at the glowing face. "Rogue... Rogue, I can't." His hands were pulled from her head and instead rubbed his face. This just was not right. No matter how vulgar he'd been in the past, he just couldn't do it.

With a bit of a dismayed look, she sighed. "Marie." Her eyes glanced up from their hiding place. Logan obviously looked confused. "You can call me Marie. I thought I made this clear." She didn't say it harshly. Instead, her tone was meek and more than a little embarrassed.

She was going to let him call her Marie. That was not a privilege that many were offered. What once held him back now brought such a desire in him. "Marie," he grunted. "Suits ya."

Without so much as another look at right versus wrong, he took her into another kiss. His rough fingers gently gripped the shirt she was wearing, tugging it up. Marie got the hint and rose up, sliding it from her body. It was tossed aside a bit eagerly, and she was soon back to experiencing the feel of his lips.

She shouldn't be doing this. It was completely wrong. They were both in a state of vulnerability, though it was odd to admit that Logan could be vulnerable. She shouldn't be doing this because Marie had even told Bobby no. Bobby, whom she cherished with every bit of her southern belle heart, was not even allowed to venture where they'd longed to go for so long. Logan was, though? That made absolutely no sense. _Yes it does_, her mind reasoned. _It makes perfect sense..._

Marie swallowed and pulled from the kiss, allowing her face to linger over his. Taking this as a sign of nervousness, Logan gently touched her face. He pressed aside the loose lock of white hair. Then, with a little hesitation, the thick fingers trailed the round of her cheek, the line of her jaw, down her neck, and rested on the strap of her bra. He fingered it, considering his options. Choice one involved them both forgetting this, but he wasn't too fond of that idea. Option two suited him much better, which involved him making sweet, sweet love to the beautiful creature above him.

Being who he was, he stopped playing with the material and simply slid it down her arm. He pushed both of them up into a sitting position, where he rested his head in the cradle of her neck and began to softly kiss the flesh. This was going to be as gentle and sweet as he'd ever had it. Marie deserved the very best. It wasn't just another moment of sex; he was going to allow himself to love and be loved.

That night was marked as one of the most passionate moments in either of their existences. Rogue had finally found the intimacy that came with a touch. Logan had discovered innocence he'd never known and the unconditional love he'd always searched for. Though the morning brought to them an air of discomfort, they couldn't help but know it'd been right.


End file.
